Today’s guests on The Coaching Through Chaos Podcast are Mark B. Borg, Jr., Ph.D., Grant H. Brenner, M.D., and Daniel Berry, RN, MHA. They are the co-authors of the new book, “Irrelationship: How We Use Dysfunctional Relationships to Hide from Intimacy (Central Recovery Press, 2015). The term “dysfunctional relationship” is part of our vernacular these days. I don’t think I’ve met a person that didn’t relate to having had experienced at least one, whether that be in their family of origin, their intimate relationships, or in their friendships at some time in life. Borg, Brenner and Berry, otherwise know as The Irrelationship Group, have defined a dynamic in relationships that demonstrates how certain dysfunctions are permitted to perpetuate themselves and they provide an in-depth path to getting into a healthier dynamic with your partner to allow deeper intimacy and real, reciprocal love. They call this relationship dynamic irrelationship.
Borg, Brenner and Berry define irrelationship as, “a shared, co-created, psychological defense system; it is a defense against the fear and anxiety that come along with allowing another person to matter. Irrelationship is a way of protecting those within it from the messy business of really relating, because while intimate connections promise caring, compassion, and empathy, they also require emotional investment and risk. Irrelationship is not a syndrome, an illness, or a pathology. It is a way of being in relationship, a dynamic—something partners do together.”
Tune in now to hear about the convoluted dance of the Performer and Audience archetypes. Do not be surprised if you find yourself having “AHA” moments as you listen to the dynamics discussed, the patterns they observed can occur in personal through to professional relationships.
And if you feel lost in the face of this new paradigm, have no fear. At the end of every chapter, and in conclusion of the book, the authors present tools to help identify and remedy any irrelationships in your own life…
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